D3 body, D1 cock
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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