even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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