girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
