Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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