Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
