Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
