That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
