so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
