I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
