and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize