I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
