between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
