maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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