remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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