Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
