I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
