I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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