the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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