Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think your dad took our porno
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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