Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
