OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
