1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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