I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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