I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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