Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
