Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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