Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
