Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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