DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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