6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
