I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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