i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
