You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
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i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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