it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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