Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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