Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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