The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
