it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
