it hurts more in the daytime
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Found your dick twin last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
