sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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