its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
