You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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