i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
