hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
