Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
