i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
