I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
