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New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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