It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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