Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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