Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
