no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
