Michael Bay diarrhea
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
