I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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