Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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