hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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