i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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