i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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