I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
