It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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