YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
