So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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