it wasn't lemon gatorade
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
