this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dicks are not precious.
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