Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
