i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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