new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
