Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
