Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
