you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
