Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
