I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
