I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
