i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize