Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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