people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
