okay pat passed out under dana's car
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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