you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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