but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
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Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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